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Articles by Cynthia Pickett, MSW, LCSW, LADC
Valentine’s Day has recently passed and spring is nearly upon us. With the arrival of spring our senses seem sharper and our spirits are filled with a feeling of renewal and rebirth. The world around us takes on a cleaner, fresher energy. The air feels warmer and smells sweeter; the chirping of birds sound like a finely tuned symphony and the greenery reawakens bestowing flowers and beckoning butterflies. Along with this feeling of reawakening comes the hope that the ever elusive emotion called love will grace it’s presence into our life. With the divorce rate at well over 50% and most of the remaining couples committed to an unhappy union, it is clear that we have strayed from the path that leads us to the ultimate brass ring called love.
As I look and listen to the world around, I notice our world being inundated with messages of finding love because we have someone special in our lives. We see it on television shows, commercials, hear it in songs and in general conversations with others, so we learn to accept that love is a feeling we have as a result of being with someone else. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of love that will awaken, and touch, our soul! At some point in our lives we have all been told the truth; that the path to true love, unconditional love, is from within. Unfortunately, most of us choose to ignore this wisdom and seek an easier path. While the journey to discovering the love from within takes time and effort, there are some patterns of thoughts and words that we may want to be aware of which signal if we are on the right path.
As we enter into a relationship if we find ourselves thinking or saying “he makes me feel loved, beautiful, special, etc…” and/or “she makes me feel needed, wanted, loved, etc…” and we now have a sense of wholeness that was not present before, we should know that this is not the beginning of true love. Whenever we fill a reservoir of loneliness, sadness, boredom or emptiness as a result of having someone in our lives we need to be aware that love, unconditional deep love, does not begin this way. True love is not something we feel because we are with another person; rather it is a state of being comfortable in our own skin and in touch with the core of who we are.
It is not to say that we should avoid these relationships. Enjoy them while the inner work continues but, please be aware that inevitably it will turn, thus leaving the couple confused and spending energy trying to get back what they once had. However, that elusive feeling will continue to evade them given that right from the start they had fallen for a feeling rather than a person
Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC
